Am I dying?
There is a writer, a vagabond, film maker, artist and a faculty in me.
This is what I have always wanted to do, compromising for jobs that were picked up randomly because of the social pressures and the idea of providing a warm, respectable home for a wife, the kids and all the romantic ideas that the likes of Karan Johar and the Yash Raj Banner had infected me with.
All that I stood for till now, believed myself to be is slowly dissolving in the stream of life. The streaks of color flowing away, interesting patterns that formed my past blending with other shades that arise from the same source into a kaleidoscopic movement- as if a brush that had multiple shades of oil paint has been dipped inside a river. I see myself flowing away.
Yikes! I see myself flowing away. The shade of blue that’s moving out in blobs is what I have been in IBM- the Graphic Specialist. That red- that’s the Bruce Lee effect!
Oh Lord! Please save me. I have been thrown around in muck, smashed with experience that talks to others on what I am, because that is how people look at everyone.
I agree that I have always prayed for realization of the self and all the spiritual jargon that is the in thing; but Lord- that’s just to throw around intellectual ideas and tell people that hey! If you think you are smart, its time to meet your Papa.
I am what the colors of experience have made me. If You take that away- the way its happening now- I WON’T BE!!!!!
Giving up on writing and travel, I took up mentoring and managing. Going to the extent that I started working as a PMO as well, simply because working for a MNC makes me look like an achiever and a reliably intelligent guy for some one to marry.
It’s all going away.
I’m scared to face what will emerge after the wash. God, will you help me face the remains? (Freak! I am so dependant.)
This is what I have always wanted to do, compromising for jobs that were picked up randomly because of the social pressures and the idea of providing a warm, respectable home for a wife, the kids and all the romantic ideas that the likes of Karan Johar and the Yash Raj Banner had infected me with.
All that I stood for till now, believed myself to be is slowly dissolving in the stream of life. The streaks of color flowing away, interesting patterns that formed my past blending with other shades that arise from the same source into a kaleidoscopic movement- as if a brush that had multiple shades of oil paint has been dipped inside a river. I see myself flowing away.
Yikes! I see myself flowing away. The shade of blue that’s moving out in blobs is what I have been in IBM- the Graphic Specialist. That red- that’s the Bruce Lee effect!
Oh Lord! Please save me. I have been thrown around in muck, smashed with experience that talks to others on what I am, because that is how people look at everyone.
I agree that I have always prayed for realization of the self and all the spiritual jargon that is the in thing; but Lord- that’s just to throw around intellectual ideas and tell people that hey! If you think you are smart, its time to meet your Papa.
I am what the colors of experience have made me. If You take that away- the way its happening now- I WON’T BE!!!!!
Giving up on writing and travel, I took up mentoring and managing. Going to the extent that I started working as a PMO as well, simply because working for a MNC makes me look like an achiever and a reliably intelligent guy for some one to marry.
It’s all going away.
I’m scared to face what will emerge after the wash. God, will you help me face the remains? (Freak! I am so dependant.)
Comments
You've only just taken the first steps. There are a million more to go.
Ek aag ka dariya hai,
aur doob ke jaana hai.
Only when you have lost everything are you free to do anything.
You are there, arn't you? Experiment! With the texture of the canvas, with the colours and the paints, with the brushes, with the shapes. Dil khol ke karo. Is dar mein mat simto.
Experiment.
its a good feeling when someone drops by and says something!
:)
:)
best solution.. go to someplace where you can jump ( alot of time) and yell simultanously at the peak of ur voice
and then do it( jump and yell)!!\
:))
tell me then what happened!!
nice nick